A Katt's LIfe

My Crazy Resume

2012-01-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

I just applied for a promotion position within my company at work. This meant I had to my resume, since they wanted a copy of that sort of thing. I realized as I was working on it that there were a lot of things that I wished I could put on there, but would likely make the HR department toss my resume into the trash, set it on fire, and slowly back away. So, here are some of the things I wish I could put on there, that would probably paint a more accurate picture of me, but they can't go on there (not if I still want to be labelled sane, anyways).

Skills

I put pictures of cats on the envelopes of all the corporate mailings. Who doesn't like cats? Cats make everyone's day better. Unless one claws you. That makes your day crappy. I'm only putting pictures of cats on the envelopes, though, not literal cats, so it's okay.
I can bake. My baking philosophy is "more chocolate=better", which makes me an invaluable asset at company potlucks and around the holidays.
I am an expert at surfing the Internet. They say it takes 10,000 hours to be an expert at something, so I think I qualify as a "super expert". Whether you want cute videos of cats doing cat stuff, or want to unlock the secrets of nuclear weaponry, I can use my Google-fu to find the information that you need.

Achievements

I recently got 2-Gallon pin from Puget Sound Blood Center. When the vampire overlords awaken from their long sleep, they will take note of my tribute and make me like one of them, while they feast on the rest of civilization. Upon hiring, I can put in a good word for you and help spare you from the inevitable blood-feast.
I got an A on my dissected cat in Anatomy and Physiology (and an A overall in the class as well). I didn't really want to dissect poor Fluffy (that's what I named my cat cadaver), but I went ahead with the smelly, squishy task anyway. I have no trouble getting wrist-deep (literally) in the more unpleasant side-tasks of the job.
I finished my first ever NaNoWriMo last November, battling against sleep deprivation and my tendency to procrastinate. Some days I didn't think I was going to make it, but I pulled through. That has to count for something, I'm sure. In the future when I get my novel published and become a New York Times bestseller, I'll also give you an autographed copy of the book.

My dog the drama queen

2011-12-31T22:14:00.000-08:00

My dog is the absolute worst drama queen.

One night, not too long after we got him, he started whining that he needed let out. It was 1am. We get up at 2:30am for the newspaper route. 1am is just too early.

Dog: *whines*
Me: "Hubs, Dog needs out."
Hubs: "Mrf. He can wait."
Dog: *whines* *tugs with paw*
Me: "Let him out."
Hubs: "No."

Now, do you think Dog would eventually give up and go find a corner, do his business in hiding, and hope we didn't notice? Other dogs might, but not my Dog. Dog climbed up on the bed, stood over Hubby's pillow, and peed on his face.

Hubs: "AAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Dog: *smug look of relief*
Me: "Did...did he just pee on you?" *laughing*
Hubs: "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!?"
Me: "'Cause you totally deserved that."
Hubs: *picks up dog and takes him out, cursing the whole way*

Ah, but that is not all.

Now, Dog used to be good at telling me when he was out of food and water if I didn't notice first. As you can tell, Hubs is also good at ignoring Dog. I blame Hubs for this, because Dog is much more passive-aggressive about communicating his needs now.

The other day, Dog was out of water. Rather than just communicating like a normal dog, Dog decided to be all dramatic about it. As I was going to the bathroom, Dog darted in ahead of me. He got up on the toilet as if he was about to start drinking out of it.

Me: "Dog, what are you doing?"
Dog: *throws head back to stare at me* *heaves dramatic sigh* *stares into toilet bowl*
Me: "Alright! Alright!"

I don't think even that beats his latest escapade, though.

On Christmas Day, Dog was running around, playing with his rawhide bone (ooer) and frolicking about the apartment like the wild, mad dog he is. He disappeared in the bedroom for a few hours while we watched Fiddler on the Roof, which I'd been trying to get Hubs to watch forever. (Hubs kept protesting, saying it sounded like a stupid movie. After the movie, I asked how he liked it. Hubs pleaded the fifth. He liked it. Ha!) When we called Dog, he came out limping.

We immediately checked him out. Nothing was broken. As far as we can tell, during one of his mad frolics he stubbed one of his toes on something. So he's been spending the week off his paw as much as possible and getting ice treatments on his paw.

He's been getting better. In fact, right now he can walk just fine on that paw. Except when food comes out. In the presence of food, suddenly his paw seems to bother him again. He holds it up, and hobbles around pathetically on three legs until the food has been fully consumed, and even then he hobbles around for a bit more just in case.

Yes, Dog has learned how to play sick for extra attention.

He actually learned earlier, I think. He would limp all the time, except when we were getting ready to go for a walk without him.

Me: "No dog, your paw is hurting. You need to stay off it."
Dog: *runs around, jumping on and off furniture to prove his paw is really fine, no it really is*
Me: "I said no."
Dog: *sulks off to bedroom*

Dog has actually learned that playing sick all the time means that he misses out on the fun stuff. So he only does it in the presence of food.

I'm onto him, though. I'm onto him and his passive-aggressive, manipulating ways.

Full Circle

2011-12-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, I have a blog. And...Christmas. Guess I should hammer something out real quick...

(Actually, I should confess, Hubs isn't this mean. I am, but he's not. This is just what I came up with off the top of my head. Hubs has actually gotten me lots of goodies this year. He's kept them really hidden, though. One requires refrigeration. None are the right size to be Stieg Larsson's Millenium Trilogy, so I have no clue what he's getting me! It's driving me nuts!)

Bed Battles

2011-12-07T14:12:00.001-08:00

Every night, a battle takes place in our bedroom. The dog always beats me to bed. He always takes his spot at the foot of the bed on my side.

Climbing into bed with the dog is awkward, since he lies on top of the blankets, pinning them down and preventing me from getting into bed.

I end up lying there awkwardly with my feet hanging out to the side. I try to nudge the dog, and coax him out of the way. He just lies there like a limp rag doll, completely oblivious to my nudges.

Eventually I get fed up, and I give him a swift kick to push him out of the way. It's not that much of a kick really, with the blankets and all. More of an extra-hard nudge. But it pushes him out of the way. He stays in rag-doll mode, though, and just kind of flops off to the side.

Finally, I am able to get comfortable and go to sleep, content that he's now Hubby's problem.

Tea Dreams

2011-12-03T13:37:00.001-08:00